I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
