So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
