bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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