I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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