I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
