Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
