I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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