I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
