I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
