I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
