the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
