She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize