Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
