mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
