But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
