I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize