You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
