So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
