How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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