Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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