Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
