um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
