it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
