my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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