I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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