i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
