i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
