You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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