nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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