I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
