I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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