Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
