Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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