you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
