"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
