Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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