Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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