Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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