he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
