She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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