Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who died my cat blue again?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
