That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
