I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
