Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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