He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize