I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He kissed a someone with a penis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
