When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
