I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm at about main and main street
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize