there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
