Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
