I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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