Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
