I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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