Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
