got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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