she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
