This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to make a zoo with you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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