I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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