Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
