Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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