I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
