all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
