I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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