evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
