he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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