whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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