were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
