I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize