My nipple is on Facebook.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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